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User blog:THEJJRAT/Vls 3-2
"Three hours until we arrive at Minecraftia!" Sphee said on the intercom, the crew cheering. "Well, all we have to do now is wait to get to Earth." A snowtrooper said, and drank more whiskey before chucking it into the trash can. He got up and went to the barracks, but he heard something. "Hello?" He took out a flashlight and shined it on a spooky skery area. "Alright the-" "Oh my, yet another another victim of the disease." "what" a humanoid in a cloak and beak mask came out of the shadows. "now hold on ther buckarooni" The humanoid touched the snowtrooper's chest, and it did nothing. He then touched it again, and nothing. It then slowly backed away, muttering a "shit". ______ Batman cheered as his favorite football team, the Gotham Rogues, won against the New York Giants, Spider Man crying into his hands. "YEAH! GOTHAM RULES!" He threw his popcorn in the air, making it fly all over the place, and then chugged down his beer and started eating thousands of hotdogs at once. "May you please ca-" Lephret asked, "THIS IS THE ONLY TIME I GET TO EAT FOOD LIKE THIS, PISS OFF!" _________ Earth, Butt-In-Burg, 2017..... "WHY IS MY BACON NOT BEING CORRECT" Scoots asked. His bacon was simply not being bacon. "???????" His pet xenoscout came to his assistance, but could not figure out what was wrong with the bacon. "THE BAXON IS FNDJSKSKDJHFNDNXBHUWISNDB" ______________ Captain Phasma was currently cooking bacon, large amounts of bacon. And giving crew members a bunch of bacon. Because bacon. Batman was eating the booty. Father was eating the bacon. Lephret was eating the bacon. Hell, even bacon was baconing the bacon. Suddenly, the ship went topside and everything went flying everywhere, sending the crew (except Batman) sliding down the floor. Then it went back to normal. "What happened" Father screamed as his spine exploded and sent him into outer space, teleporting back. "Fuck off the Combine and started Bright of a million people who was a hot anime girl who is a penis" Sphee screamed and died but then came back to life. "We are being attacked by Blasbo Babbins!1" Phasma screamed as she was attacked by a Blasbo who had broken in by unknown means. Batman came to the rescue and hit the Blasbo in the face, shattering it's skull. "Help!" Three stormtroopers were cornered by Blasbos, they tried to fight back but there was too many of them. Spider Man then webbed up a bunch of Blasbos and ate them. "C'mere you dumbass Blasbo scum!!" Batman took a minigun and started wiping out Blasbos in bulk. Soon the invasion was over, leaving only three Blasbo survivors (who were kept in the living creature habitat on the lower levels of The Darkness). Interestingly, only two people died: Father and Sphee. __________ "MEDIC" Captain Phasma called out. "Ooh, ja?" A medic walked into the room with his medigun. "A STORMTROOPER TRIPPED AND BROKE HIS TOE" The trooper was screaming. _________ "Should I be awake for this?" The trooper asked, Medic inserting a heart into his toe. "Haha, no. While you still are, can you scream for no reason?" "AHHHHHHHHH" he then coughed up one of his lungs. "Don't be such a baby, lungs grow back!" He turned to his pet bird, "No ze don't." He opened his refrigerator, grabbing a new toe. "Kill me." A head of a clone of Commander Shepard pleaded. "Later." He then chopped the toe off the trooper, causing him to scream. The medic then inserted a brand new toe onto him. He then grabbed his medigun and shot it at his leg, causing the toe to grow onto his foot. "Woah, nice." "Now, let's go practice medicine." ________ "Are you sure this will work doctor?" "I have no idea!" He laughed maniacally and shot his medibeam onto the trooper, ÜberCharging him. "Hahahaha!" He threw his toe cast off and prepared 17 sandviches in a row, all while shooting at enemy incoming rats who cooked ratatouille. ______________ "I am hiring medics!" Doktor Moodic screamed, handing out flyers. He had been inspired from his latest toe experiment. "What?" A monotone-like voice asked out of the shadows. "I AM HIRING DOCTORS, ARE YOU DEAD?! I PROMISE I VILL HEAL YOU!" Moodic screamed into the pitch black hallway. The mysterious figure stepped out of the shadows. "Can I join!" "JA! BUT I VECOMMEND YOU GET A HEARING AID!" He grabbed the cloaked man's head and screamed into his ear. ______________________ Father, Lephret, Spider Man, Batman, Indiana Jones, Doktor Moodic and his newest apprentice, Captain Phasma, and TR-8R were decked in astronaut suits; and equipped with FN-P90s. "Landing on Planet TX-220 in T-minus 30 seconds. _____________ The Darkness slowly latched onto the square planet, with hooks on the bottom that are collapsible. "Anchors in place. Opening air lock door thing." The crew were now armed with masks, as no one has ever visited Minecraftia, the air may be toxic. "Ze door is opening gentlemen, I wish you luck!" Sphee waved at the gang, and saluted (Batman waving back). The door slid up, and the team jumped down to the ground (Spiderman falling because there were no trees and Batman gliding down). --------- Batman dive bombed down, pushing animals away. "Woah..." Batman turned around, and looked in disbelief. Everything was made of blocks. Everything was square: not a circle in sight. The animals were blocky! He came towards a cow, and stabbed it to death with a batarang just for giggles. Instead of falling over, it turned into a cloud an a slice of meat appeared, floating in mid air. "Wat" He grabbed the meat, and took a bite out of it. "Mmm, tastes like chicken..." Moodic was extremely confused, and all he could do was heal animals in hopes of comprehending what was happening. His apprentice just touch things and they died. Father dropped to the ground, and looked around. Everything was square, and it appeared to be a grassy area with lots of....tree looking things. "It looks like one of them vidya games...." Jones said. "Call of Duty." He took out his whip and whipped the ground, causing the dirt to break apart and leave nothing but a small square brown block floating into the ground. He came towards the block, and it disappeared. "What the hell..." He felt something in his pants, and reached inside and pulled out the block. "Wot" he threw it on the ground, and it attached to the ground like it's original form. "Interesting..." Jones then started beating the ground, his pants soon exploding because of all the dirt. "Let's spread out; explore. See if we can find the locals." Father said, and pulled up his watch. "This right here has a built in GPS, so we'll be able to find each other." "Alright...." Spider Man said, coughing and struggling to get off the ground. And Batman had already disappeared. _________ Father approached one of the trees, while the rest of his team took partners. He put his gun away, and decided to figure out how to take it. He licked it, and got a splinter. Didn't work. He then rubbed his ass on it, did nothing but slightly arouse the tree. He then punched it, and it broke apart. But just one part of the tree. The rest stood in place; even though the middle was gone. The broken wood came towards him and teleported into his backpack, making a "pop!" sound. He then punched the rest of the tree, collecting the whole tree. He then punched the leaves, making an item that looked like an Apple fall down. He caught it, and decided to eat it. It tastes two times juicier and sweeter than a regular apple. He then punched the rest of the leaves in hopes of getting more apples. ______________ "Ah, you're here!" A man in a hooded jacket got up from a broken down couch and chucked his flip phone across the room. "Agent 47, I presume?" He approached the suited bald person. "Oh, not the talking type I see. Anyway, kill him." He shoved a picture of Bob Pepperonos into his face. ______________ Jones and Phasma were climbing a blocky mountain, trying to find locals. "Hey, over there....It looks like a.....city..." Phasma pointed in the distance. "Great find sunny boxy, now let's go." ___________ Batman was gliding and jumping off trees, trying to find any sign of intelligent life. "Oracle, I'm download Cowl Mode #38 for me." He said into his ear piece. "Bruce, you told me that was a virus...." "It is. But it was installed by the Foundation." "Bru-" he shut communications off and continued jumping across the land. And then he noticed that it was being downloaded on his HUD. Batman then saw a structure in the distance. He grappled onto a tree and continued onwards to it. _______ Lephret and TR-8R were walking alone in a forest like area. No signs of life yet. Expect for the occasional pig. "What is that..." TR pointed at a giant, tall structure in the sky. "Looks like a dungeon.." ______ Batman was running towards the structure when an arrow flew onto his shoulder. He stopped and pulled it off, and looked beside him, and saw a skeleton with a bow hiding beside a tree. Batman then threw a batarang at it and ate the skeleton. "Yum." He took the bow, which was also pixelated, and hid it in his pants for save keeping. He then spotted a cave opening, and decided to investigate it. It was dark, so Batman turned on his night vision and explored. He spotted two strange looking blocks on the walls of the cave, with black spots all around it. Batman decided to punch it, and out came tiny black pieces. After licking it and shoving it up his ass, he realised it was coal. He put it in his pocket and broke the grey pieces around it, and realised it was stone. He then pulled a stick out of his booty and stuck the stone onto it, forming a pickaxe. He then went crazy and mined every shiny thing he found. After two hours, he left the cave with six bars of solid gold and two blocks of aconite. He then remembered the structure and continued on. ------- Batman arrived at the structure, it was now midnight. And he discovered that it was actually a city, and the tall structure he saw was actually a church. Maybe. He sat atop the church, unseen. And eating from a jar of peanut butter. Most of the inhabitants of the village were blocky, like the animals. They appeared to have one giant arm that connected with each other, a fat Squidward nose, and different color clothing. The villagers then started to flee, as green blocky humanoids started to invade the town. They started knocking down doors and biting villagers, causing Bats to go ape shit. He glide kicked a zombie, knocking it out instantly, and beat the everloving shit out of the green skinned thugs. He was apparently aided by a tall grey creature that seemed to be a robot. After he broke the bones of every thug there, the sun was already up. The villagers came out of their houses and greeted the caped crusader. "Hrrr, how may we, hrrr, repay you strange visitor?" A citizen with purple clothes asked. "I need some directions." _____________"What" Moodic thought as he healed a glob of poo that was dropped by a cow. "This is not vorking" he said to himself. He took out his bonesaw and had a seizure. "AHDHJFNDJAODJFHDOA" His apprentice sighed and continued dissecting a dead pig and reanimating it. ______________ Batman was laying on a bed, without his armor, and being fed grapes by a sexy female villager and having other villages waving his cape on him. He then got a call on his watch. "Bruce, where are you?" Father asked. "Being worshipped by the locals." "Why didn't you call me?" "Because I work alone." "Bru-" Batman shut the watch off and continued relaxing. ________ Phasma and Jones were running to the village, but Phasma tripped. "Why u always trippin boi" Indie said and helped her up. But then Jones was shot by a high impact sexual violence. "Ahhh" "Dr. Jones!" Phasma took out her P90 and shot the shooter from across the map like a CSGO pro and helped Indie up. "Oh my" Indie screamed in pain, and Phasma injected some bacta in him with a syringe from her medkit. "The ogres know we're here!" Indie shouted under his breathe. Suddenly, an Ogre Empire star cruiser appeared sending an army of ogres with miniguns to their area. Indie grabbed his whip and Phasma drew her sub machine gun and opened fire upon the dirty ogres. But an ogre appeared behind Phasma and slit her throat. "NOOO" Indie screamed and jumped onto the ogre, beating the shit out of it. Two ogres restrained Indie. "YOU MONSTERS, YOU EVIL MONSTERS!" He screamed and kicked, trying to break free from the clutches of the evil monsters. But then two of the ogres were shot point blank, by a humanoid that looked like the Iron Golem that Batman encountered but looked human instead of blocky. The ogres panicked and put a strange medal like object on Indie's chest, making him teleport away. And then the other ogres got shot. ___________ Phasma woke up, finding herself in a bacta tank. _________ Yes I put Mob Talker into this Rip Category:Blog posts